Robert Tanaman

Return from hiatus

2010-04-03T18:37:00.006+07:00

I'm really back this time. In search of a path, I lost my way four years ago, suddenly lost interest in blogging and so I stopped. This time I believe I have found a way and have things to share. I have been trading live or one year now (preceded by six months of paper trading, experimenting, and getting a feel of the market). Blessed with a lucky streak common among most beginners, I doubled my capital within the first month of trading live, and was instantly hooked, like honey to bee, counting and thinking about the amount of wealth I could amass in just a few years if I could consistently keep up this performance of compounding 5% daily profit to my account. I was way over my head, obsessed with meeting the daily target, as if I was working for a regular wage, and I became a slave to the screen, monitoring the market price almost full-time for open positions, as if I had some sort of control over the market. What ensued after that first month was when real learning began. It has been a bumpy ride. I learned more about myself, my natural impulses, and my human weaknesses. More on this in the next posts.

Now about this blog, I came across a lorem ipsum passage while applying a fresh new theme, and grew curious of its meaning. The term originated from de Finibus Bolorum et Malorum (The Extremes of Good and Evil) by Cicero, 45 BC. The final sentence of section 1.10.33 sums it up nicely.

The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to his principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains.

Applying this wisdom in trading, one ought to reject cashing in at the first sight of profit for potentially bigger wins, or else to endure small losses rather than overwhelming losses.

I'm back

2006-09-12T14:06:00.000+07:00

So I'm back. Honestly, having returned from the trip, I'm now considering many paths, some new, others old. But which path should I focus on right now? There is the real estate path to wealthy lifestyle, the antioxidant path to healthy lifestyle, the antifraud path to authentic living, and then there is the language teaching path. To be a Zense language and lifestyle consultant, I first need to be driven by the ultimate purpose: to enrich life by "zense" living. What are the big rocks of my life?

question of the day: how does one touch the life of others?
quote of the day: learning is a game.

MIA for 20 days

2006-08-13T23:46:00.000+07:00

I'll be missing in action for about 3 weeks. So expect a period of inactivity until early September. I'll be continents away from where I am, in HK and China, back to where my ancestors lived. Ok, take care.

Having cold feet following up prospects

2006-08-09T14:33:00.000+07:00

This article is a self-note. So I'm having cold feet following up positive prospects. I'm afraid this will be the final chance for me to help them. What's wrong with me anyway? This emotional tension is not getting me anywhere. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, the fear of fear itself. I need to face them bravely. These are just part of the learning process. I need to get used to feeling fear and to do it anyway. Ok, I'm picking up the phone now.

quote of the day: I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Joan Rivers
question of the day: what's so fearful about fear?

Longer, better life

2006-08-07T12:12:00.000+07:00

So you ask how does one live a longer, better life? Be a vegetarian. Sleep soundly. Give generously. Contribute selflessly. Learn to learn.

quote of the day: you settle for your standards. — The Innkeeper
question of the day: what is your standard?

A matter of choice

2006-07-28T00:53:00.000+07:00

Life a matter of choice. In fact, anything is a matter of choice. So what were the choices I made that created who I am today? What does my future hold as a result of the choices I made today?

quote of the day: you become your choices. — The Innkeeper
question of the day: who am I?

Heaven and hell

2006-07-27T11:47:00.000+07:00

Once upon a time in a distant village in Japan, an invincible samurai warrior visited a Zen master who was in the middle of a meditation. He needed an answer to the elusive question of Heaven and Hell. This Zen master, who was a renowned sage in the whole of Japan, must be the right person to seek the truth from, so he thought. Abruptly breaking the Zen master’s meditation, he questioned, “Good Master, I have come here to seek your counsel. Where can one find Heaven and Hell?”

Upon hearing the question, the Zen master smiled faintly and paused for a whole minute. With his face quickly turning red, he raised his voice, “Who dares to interrupt my session? Who in the hell do you think you are? I have no time for the likes of you, murderer! Get out of my face!”

Shocked at the rude response from the Zen master, the warrior was at a loss for words, but quickly regained composure. He was not going to take such audacity for no price. “Do you know who I am, old man? I will strike you down in one move!” he exclaimed, slowly unsheathing his samurai blade, ready to slice the frail old man.

“That, my warrior friend, is Hell,” the Zen master calmly noted.

The warrior was quick to realize his mistake, and requested a sincere apology from the Zen master. “I’m most ashamed to have offended you with such behaviour unbecoming of a samurai warrior. Please forgive me, Master.”

“And that, my friend, is Heaven,” the Zen master concluded his lesson.

quote of the day: to know and not to do, is not yet to know. — The Fisherman
question of the day: does your vision have clarity and focus?

I'm possible

2006-07-26T03:15:00.000+07:00

Every initial endeavour requires a seemingly impossible gravity-defying effort. Many had quitted before the launch was successful, yet a select few (of 1%) emerged as renewed and transformed individuals. This is so true in entrepreneurial undertaking, as it is in a space shuttle launch. The first few minutes of the launch consume more energy than what is used (in total) for the entire space journey.

quote of the day: sow, nurture, reap. — The Gardener
question of the day: does it make zense?

7 ways to meet your Prince Charming

2006-07-25T20:41:00.000+07:00

And yet another (translated) article. This makes the final article of the "7 Things" series. Stay tuned for more articles in the foreseeable future. The writer is currently missing in action.

Having problems finding your Prince Charming? Does he seem so elusive? Does he exist at all? Here are some ways to spot yours, it's not that hard.

Hang out at places he would be. For example, to meet a lean and athletic guy will require that you do keep fit at the gym consistently. Who knows he hangs out there.
Get online, turn to friendster or myspace, find him who shares similiar interests, hobbies, and personality. Who knows you would find the Prince the netherworld, or cyberworld.
Be a dream girl. Fill up your brain if you're into smart guy, or hang out at the mall if you find the rich irresistible.
You must have a set of criteria that describes the Prince, so if you meet one who matches closely to your criteria, grab him decisively, or others will anyway. Unless of course, he is already seeing someone.
Say 'yes' to set up date from friends. If you haven't met one, take the offer. You'd be surprise how others know you better than you know yourself, in finding you a match made in Heaven.
Believe in good luck and keep praying. Ok, that sounds desperate.
If you meet one who doesn't exactly fit your criteria, please don't fret. Make disappointment your strength. Maybe your dream criteria are too perfect. Cut corners as necessary, without compromising quality.

quote of the day: what you see is always what you get. — The Optometrist
question of the day: how can one increase his means so he doesn't have to live below his means?

7 signs he isn't that into you

2006-07-23T22:40:00.000+07:00

And yet another (translated) article...

Please girls, you can see the elephant across the ocean, but you can't see the germ before your very eyes. More often than not, we're so stubborn to obsess over one guy, but it just didn't work out. Does he really like you? Let's look at the tell tale signs.

No matter how "present" you are around him, he doesn't seem to notice your existence.
No matter how many times you've met and introduced yourself to him, your name is hardly memorable; he keeps asking your name. Poor you.
Without regrets, with an innocent smile, he greets his girlfriend by name and introduces her to you. How fatally brutal, you wish he could just drop dead.
He changes his mobile number, and you're not on his list of people he's going to inform. Yeah, bitter tears roll down your cheeks.
With gossips in circulation that you fancy him, he puts on his beast-like face, all sour like apple vinegar. You're so out of luck.
Even the freezer is less cool than his aura when he finds out that you'd like to know him because you fancy him.
And the worst thing is he could care less about you, never wanting to know about you. For example, when you're ill, he's not aware about it, not to mention him paying you a visit. Even if he knows, he could care less, really.

quote of the day: our greatest fear is not that we're inadequate, our greatest fear is that we're powerful beyond measure. — Nelson Mandela
question of the day: how can I help you?

7 ways to make your guy swear loyalty to you for life

2006-07-22T13:22:00.000+07:00

Here goes another (translated) Cosmo-style article. This time we look at how to counter the fact that most men are unfaithful. Solution talk. Sit back and enjoy the read. Courtesy of Sonja Lie.

These are hard times to find faithful guys. C'mon, admit it already. But don't be desperate, there is hope and there are ways, and here they are...

First and foremost, know his cards, or his personality; for example if he is the type of man who cannot live without friends, perhaps it's better to remain close friends.
Don't disclose too much personal information, because it's boring. Let him be the Sherlock Holmes who keeps close track of this mysterious woman who is you. Nice. Er, sincerely hope that he's not one of those serial killers who stalk women.
It's all true to be yourself, but don't be stubborn if change makes you his dream girl; for example, your guy loves long hair, however much hassle or hot weather, grow a long hair, while developing your patient and feminine self.
If you haven't seen the Korean romantic comedy My Sassy Girl, you should. Sometimes it's crucial to let him cower on your power, if he gets horny you need to whack the living out of him, to let him know you too have self-respect and can delay gratification. Let his respect towards you grow, and it's guaranteed he'll stay close to you. Which guy won't be proud to have a virgin by his side?
Be attractive and charming, so most men couldn't wait until you're available again. He'll think a billion times before leaving you.
Never (not even once) attempt to control him. Give him a freedom to be responsible, and he'll respect you more, because you're his girlfriend, not his mother or bodyguard.
And most important, be faithful to him too.

quote of the day: we make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. — Sir Winston Churchill
question of the day: how do unlike poles attract each other?

7 reasons most guys are unfaithful

2006-07-19T11:47:00.000+07:00

Hey guys, I just received a green light from a friend for translating (into English) and publishing this Cosmo-style article about the reasons most guys double-timing. This was really written from a female perspective. Sit back and enjoy the read. Courtesy of Sonja Lie.

So really, why do guys turn unfaithful?

It's genetic. According to a reliable source (sorry, no citing here), 93% of men whose parents were unfaithful at some stage in life, will become a chip off the old block.
It's a hobby. People have all kinds of hobbies, from A to Z, no explanation required for the reason men turn unfaithful—but really, it's a phun pleasure for them.
It's a personality. Charm, power and domination: if you have more than one girl, you're Casanova, or Bill Clinton. What was that all about?
Enough is never enough. As the saying goes: "the neighbour's grass field is always greener..." What the eyes see, the heart desires. When a friend's girl is more chic, it's time to get someone like that too, or better. What a jerk.
Men are created to hurt women. No matter how unfaithful he is, or how hurtful the relationship has turned out, the girl still says yes: "Oh, never mind." Silly girl.
It's a challenge. When the heart beats so fast because he's afraid of being found out, his adrenaline production grows some threefold, and he thinks it's cool. One could almost vomit. Things like these magnify his pride (and his red nose), all the more when he can get away from the trouble.
It's sensational! Being found out by a guy friend that he has more than one girl makes him feel so cool like a celebrity.

I'll add my comments later as soon as I've some free time (read: probably never).

quote of the day: marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. — Joey Adams
question of the day: what makes a life worth living?

Hail Azzurri!

2006-07-10T04:50:00.000+07:00

This is a day to remember in the history of international football. Italy emerged, for the fourth time, as FIFA World Cup Champion. Cheers to the Italians. They are simply fascinating.

As for Les Blues, I could only feel bad for them. They lost to emotional tension. The world is shocked by Zizu’s senseless behaviour. What a birthday for such a great football figure…

quote of the day: I never said most of the things I said. — Yogi Berra
question of the day: satisfying one thousand desires or conquering just one, which is more important?

The Italian Job

2006-07-05T05:02:00.000+07:00

Italy vs. Germany. Dortmund. 2100 hours. 0 – 0 at full time. Twice denied by the crossbar in the first half of the extra time. Twice welcomed by the goal. 2 – 0 within 3 minutes, at the end of extra time. Free-flowing football. Clean tackles. How about that for an Italian job? Fabio Grosso and Alessandro Del Piero demolished the German dreams into pieces, on German soil. Most of the time, I hate the way they play, but I only need one time. I love the Azzurri. One word: magnificence.

One conclusion: football is not about aggression; football is all about passion, patience, and persistence (in that order of importance). I have never been happier today. Fantastic football.

quote of the day: what you get free costs too much. — Jean Anouilh
question of the day: are you going up or down?

French voodoo worked like a charm on the Brazilians, again

2006-07-02T05:09:00.000+07:00

WARNING: Volatile emotion ahead. For eight years I have been waiting for this one moment, a repeat match of Brazil vs. France in the World Cup final. But it turned out once again that the French voodoo was alive and kicking. All I wanted to see was Brazil pound France mercilessly. But I guess France learnt its lesson of arrogance in the last World Cup when they suffered bitter defeat against inferior team such as Korea, and emerged as the better side in the most recent match with its eternal rival Brazil with a final outcome of 1 – 0. Whoever let Henry roamed so free to destroy Dida when Zizu took the free kick? You know, I loved Roberto Carlos. But Henry was his responsibility and he failed to mark him up close. Unacceptable.

World Cup Final 1998: the French voodoo punished the complacent Brazilians. World Cup Quarter Final 2006: the French voodoo destroyed the complacent Brazilians, again. We can always let history repeat itself later. But why repeat it now? I guess the French defensive wall recited some voodoo curse when Ronaldinho was about to save Brazil with his lethal free kick at the closing minutes. No one, not even the footballer of the year, could withstand such negative aura coming from an evil wall. $@%& the French! $@%& the Brazilian! I’m done with football. Time to sleep.

But before that, another dream to add to my list (of now 101 dreams): marry a Brazilian woman, bear a Brazilian son, and ensure he wears anti-voodoo talisman and makes it to the Brazilian national team who will one day defeat France. It’s time to take things into my own hands. Yeah, right. Ok, end of senseless rant. I couldn’t sleep so I had to write this off my mind. I know, I know, there is no need to get bitter. It’s bad for health. Hey, thanks for listening.

Now that the emotional rant is over, I can reasonably say that the French deserved the win, the Brazilian the loss. As in most things in life, all is fair in love and war. I still love Brazil, but now I count on Ballack to hold the World Cup high, on behalf of Germany, for the world to witness. Go Panzer!

quote of the day: life's greatest failure is arrogance. — Buddha
question of the day: you can always procrastinate later, so why procrastinate now?

Two crossed paths

2006-06-25T13:41:00.000+07:00

I believe each of us has walked along these two paths. The question is how frequent we walk along each path (or part of it).

The Path to Wellness and Happiness

Sleep soundly, arise early;
Step steadily, eat 70% full;
Not attached, let it go;
Laugh always, not sullen;
Work diligently, young to old;
Sickness keeps away, a happy life;
Wellness, life's greatest treasure.

The Path to Sickness and Laziness

Unsound of sleep, late of rise;
Overeat, lazy to move;
Narrow-minded, can't let go;
Much anger, all sullen;
Live lazily, age faster;
No workout, sickness dwells;
In suffering, complain to God.

I have been looking at translating some interesting (Cosmo-style) blog entries of a friend into English. All I need is a permission now. Stay tuned. They are coming soon.

Advice to life

2006-06-25T12:07:00.000+07:00

I know I have been lazy blogging because I have been reading others’ blogs. So to make up for the long period of blog inactivity, I’m going to post some advice to life, translated from a (non-English) handout I grabbed from a sacred temple in Jakarta.

Life Advice

Words like a piercing arrow, many a man will get hurt; hard to take back offensive words, many a man will despise.
Careful speech creates solutions; arrogance invites failures.
A cheerful expression builds rapport with many; a grumpy expression harbours dislikes by many.
Deceit brings disasters, patience in hardship safety.
Everyone carries plentiful karma; good or evil has its repercussion.
Gratitude brings abundant prosperity, greed uneasiness.
A big mind brings abundant fortune, a sweet mouth benefits.
Prompt action reaps great profits, high efficiency rewards.
Suppleness and creativity inspires great wisdom, less excuse more convenience.
Hardwork disguises great blessing; temperance attracts good friends.

Next post involves the second part of the handout detailing two paths: one towards wellness and happiness, the other sickness and laziness.

quote of the day: we didn't lose the game, we just ran out of time. — Vince Lombardi
question of the day: how does a flame attract moths?

A new frontier

2006-06-05T02:18:00.000+07:00

In an uncharted territory where insecurity and fear loom, one way to survive is to develop a lacking sense of insecurity and fear. It does not mean to ignore and to not deal with insecurity and fear, but to accept them as they are, and to avoid exaggerating them to an uncontrollable status—and oh, try playing with and making fun of them. Remember, 100% of the time, “now” is the only thing we have. So focus on the moment—that includes planning because we plan to improve the present, which is “now”. Robert, stop dragging your feet, because you have an empire to build.

I know this is going to sound like a self-excuse, but Mom was in Jakarta for 10 days (until June 1). So, incidentally, I had to put aside building my business. Wow, it has been three days. What are you waiting for? Opportunities to come knocking at your door? Do opportunities ever knock at all? Maybe you need to build a door. Until you figure out what is holding you back, progress is out of the equation. To answer my own question: uncertainty, fear, and insecurity.

Now those negative emotions bring me back to the all-important question I have been avoiding: how can I master creative tension? I need to stop going around in circles, because vertigo is most unpleasant. Two outstanding items to complete by this week: create a traditional financial statement and an enlightened wealth statement. The time to look current reality in the eyes is long overdue. As the Nike motto goes: just do it.

quote of the day: worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today. — Denis Leary
question of the day: how can I master creative tension?

An analysis of my social circle

2006-04-25T14:50:00.000+07:00

Having done some rough listing of my social circle, including family/relatives, friends, organizations I am affiliated with, and other contacts, I came up with some non-surprising figures. Of 110 people, I am acquainted with: 56.4% employee, 40% self-employed, 5% business owner, and 2.7% investor. 1.8% is of unknown quadrant, and 3.6% are in transition from a quadrant to another.

This speaks a lot about the flock with which I am flying together as a bird. It looks like I am in the process of transition. I need to change quadrant (not jobs!). That means a change of values and of friends. Changing values means changing mindset from greed and fear into abundance and courage, from insecurity to independence, from suspicion to trust, from getting profits first to giving first, and most important, from endarkened to enlightened. Changing friends does not mean totally abandoning old friends, but simply adding new names to my address books, most of which are in the quadrant I want to be, the ‘B’ and ‘I’ quadrants.

Okay, now I would like to announce to the whole world, whether or not you are listening: I am sick of being an employee; it’s killing me. I am not growing as a person. Aristotle said all paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind; I say all paid jobs inhibit and blunt the mind. Am I ready to change? Am I ready to learn?

quote of the day: when the student is ready, the teacher appears.
question of the day: have you contacted your dream team?

How to sell anything to anyone anytime anywhere

2006-03-28T17:51:00.000+07:00

There's really no magic about sales. What I recently learnt from a seminar...

quote of the day: a picture is worth a thousand words. — Ancient Proverb
question of the day: are you a "Renaissance" man?

A simple chat

2006-03-28T12:09:00.000+07:00

I had a casual chat about learning and books with Julyan at the office yesterday. In a nutshell, we talked about self-motivation using the subconscious mind, learning in general, and the books he read.

Life’s greatest motivator is own self, so is life’s greatest sucker (of motivation and of energy). By recalibrating our mental model every morning, affirming what we aspire (using present tense and active verbs, involving emotions) before a mirror, we can gradually shift our mind. Ok, I admitted I had yet to practice this. The subconscious increases ability to achieve by a factor of ten—so I had confirmed what I recently read. And as with any initial endeavour, the greatest effort is required at the earliest. An illustrating example is the first few seconds of a space shuttle liftoff, after which the shuttle will effortlessly fly in the space, requiring significantly less energy. The greatest initial obstacle is the weight of the space shuttle that resists the Earth’s gravitational force (I wonder where the greatest leverage is located in a shuttle liftoff: is it the thrust, the engine, or somewhere else?) By the way, the point is if learning a new thing for the first time is too easy for you, therefore is boring, predictable, and monotonous, then perhaps you’re hardly learning at all.

Learning in general proceeds in levels of abstraction; from noise we acquire data. Data could take many forms, numbers and facts, just to name a few. From data we acquire information, which we collect to form a knowledge base. From knowledge, we can begin to understand patterns that give us the bigger picture of interconnectedness of things. With those patterns, we see the driving forces (principles) and become wiser. He used an analogy of a crying rooster to illustrate the abstraction level.

About the models who had inspired him, he mentioned three people: SunZi for his philosophy on the art of war, Napoleon Bonaparte for his success (a student of SunZi, despite being short and crippled, Bonaparte was a formidable naval fleet general), and Douglas McCarter, all of whom he visualized as standing behind him in times of adversity. For books, worthwhile read he recommended includes SunZi’s Art of War, The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, and Competitive Advantage (by Michael Porter). SunZi’s Art of War is definitely worth a browse.

quote of the day: my life is my message. — Mahatma Gandhi
question of the day: who are the three pillars standing behind me in times of adversity?

How to master creative tension

2006-03-23T21:34:00.000+07:00

To master creative tension, one must:

be aware of the structural conflict underlying the eroding vision thought pattern—that involved pulling forces from both ends, vision and self-limiting belief, with current reality being stuck in the middle—and the resulting behaviour;
have an accurate, honest view of the current reality;
clarify what one really wanted, the ultimate calling, not merely some personal desire; and
change the self-limiting belief to a self-sustaining one, a supporting mental model.

When a crystal clear vision became the building force of the creative tension, there was only one viable path recognizable by the subconscious: one leading towards the vision itself. But make no mistake, the power of subconscious should not be abused or manipulated, for it quickly lost bearing if there was no clear vision. Used appropriately, we were looking at a tenfold increase in capability. The clear vision mentioned here was what Napoleon Hill called the ‘burning desire.’

How could you tell that a certain level of personal mastery had been reached? Level of personal of mastery was relative to such subtler aspects as integrating reason and intuition (when the blind walked and the cripple navigated, the journey became meaningful, and arrival at the destination was but a matter of time), seeing our connectedness to the world, compassion, and commitment to the whole. As with many natural feedback systems, these aspects form a circular loop, rather than a linear flow. One needed not worry about these aspects; subtle as they were, the subconscious could detect them when they were active.

What was in personal mastery for me? Like learning, the journey was the reward. Personal mastery was a process, not a destination.

And oh, I was working on this mastery. So I could not vouch for anything just yet.

quote of the day: the surest way to make a monkey out of a man is to quote him.
question of the day: what is my ultimate calling?

Mastery of emotional tension or of creative tension?

2006-03-23T11:17:00.000+07:00

It seemed I was in a hurry to determine what to master. Was it better to master emotional tension when it arose, or was it better to master the creative tension that produced emotional tension in the first place? Rationally, one would choose the latter due to the sole reason that having full control over creative tension meant my T.I.M.E. could be more effectively channelled to what really mattered—to concretize the vision (startup business) by taking actions to achieve—rather than self-indulging in negative emotional tension as a result of the belief in own powerlessness and unworthiness. But sooner or later, as a creature of emotion, I’d have to deal with emotional tension, or not at all? If mastering creative tension dominated my T.I.M.E., would there space left for emotional tension? Energy, time, and space would most likely be allocated to concentrating on the actions to fulfil the vision. Put simply, if I first dealt with emotional tension, I still had to deal with creative tension, whereas if I had first mastered creative tension, I didn’t have to deal with emotional tension later. So (naturally) I had decided to master creative tension. Bring it on, iSystem!

Having contemplated on the pattern of limits to growth—that was looming over my mindset—I had come to realize that pushing to start up a small business (by taking actions to achieve) was a growing action; what I ought to concentrate first was on removing the limiting factors that slowed down the achievement progress, such negative beliefs as powerlessness and unworthiness, and such negative emotions as fear (of unstable income, of failure, and of risk) and insecurity. Until they were properly dealt with, I didn’t see myself making any significant progress towards the vision of running my own show. It was going to take time before an evolved mindset would crystallize. But it was sure worth the T.I.M.E. When did I intend to change my self-limiting mental model into a self-sustaining one? How about now?

In a nutshell, there were two affirmations I would like to make:

I am the master of my creative tension, an ally towards my vision.
I am powerful and worthy for the cause I had set myself to accomplish.

Having said so much, I had hardly addressed the question: How does one master creative tension? That was a topic of another day.

I had been experiencing mild headaches for the past few days. I wondered if I had been thinking so much that I had tapped into the dormant avenues of my brain—most likely the right half where gestalt happened (cheek-in-tounge).

Expecting progress without effort?

2006-03-21T16:32:00.000+07:00

Continuing our journey into the realms of iSystem, today I was looking at another archetype: growth and underinvestment. Without saying, it was well-understood that it took time, focus, and effort to make progress (in just about anything in life). Referring to previous systems diagram, key aspiration (startup business) was delayed, at the risk of being canceled; this justified the underinvestment, or call it complacency.

It was not that I didn't put in the effort; I did not follow through with my actions, despite having made a reluctant start in taking actions to achieve. This was due to the delay of the impact produced by those actions to improve my current reality. One important word here was patience. A creative tension was a good thing, despite being a gap between what I was and what I aspired to become. But it intensified emotional tension proportionately, with which if not dealt effectively would lead to further digression of my current reality from being my own boss.

Now there was indeed a perceived need to invest the necessary time, effort, and focus to master my emotions—both positive and negative, since positive emotions, when not dealt with effectively, might also lead to digression. An emotionally intelligent person was a master of her own emotions, so the social standard suggested. Personal mastery, when achieved, reduced emotional tension significantly, but with certain delays. Note that the (investment) balancing feedback cycle was at risk of turning into another eroding goal archetype. To avoid this, address the perceived need promptly, and digress from anything else.

quote of the day: take care to get what you like, or you will be forced to like what you get. — George Bernard Shaw
question of the day: how does one reduce delay (a.k.a. how does one avoid procrastination)?

Self-limiting belief (part 2)

2006-03-20T15:47:00.000+07:00

Ok, so I was just going to write what was on my mind. I was reluctant to address the thought associated with fear of failure, but I figured I would have to deal with it sooner or later; so why delay the inevitable?

How would I deal with the fear of failure? Was the impact of the fear worse than the failure itself? It seemed that one needed to overcome fear of something by doing it afraid. So fail afraid. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Darn, it was really easy typing these words.

What was one thing I was afraid of doing right now? Well, an extreme one is to resign from my current abysmal-pay job—thanks for the motivation to quit—before I turned 26. Darn, I did not live in this world to work for others and make them rich. If they were going to be rich, I might as well join them. It should be a win-win situation. I was not planning to ask for raise at all—unless it was a ridiculous double, triple, or quadruple raise, which was unlikely. But wait, what was the primary driving force of this fear of resigning from my job? The reason was fourfold: fear of not being able to succeed in business, fear of not being able to enjoy a stable income, fear of no support from family and friends, and ultimately, fear of not having what it takes to run a business.

What was the side effect of emotional tension resulting from self-limiting mindset? Increased pressure to delay or, worse, to cancel the startup attempt led to complacency that degraded the current reality. I became the victim of unnecessary wear and tear in the endless mutually conflicting balancing cycles.

Where could one find leverage in this self-defeating system? Instead of pushing the realization of startup, it would be wise to first remove the self-limiting factors that delayed the achievement of such vision. A symptomatic solution to this desire of having a startup as soon as possible led to a further delay from its achievement. Faster was indeed slower. How so? By allowing negative self-limiting mindset to linger (instead of acknowledging such emotions and actively seek to master them, one chose to ignore the tension), one unconsciously increased the pressure to relax or abandon the vision. No matter how much adrenaline was produced when a broader achievement gap resulted, no amount of actions to achieve could significantly improve the current reality, because the negative balancing (top) cycle was revolving faster than the positive (bottom) cycle, due to the introduced delay. Don’t push growth; remove factors limiting growth. Focus on the fundamental solution, beware of the symptomatic (quick-fix) solution that might appear effective in the short run, but led to the problem returning, with the fundamental solution atrophied, becoming even further from reach or sight. Now since two archetypes (“limits to growth” and “shifting the burden” were identified in the current system of thinking, weakening the symptomatic response was not enough, one needed to strengthen the fundamental response.

quote of the day: a computer once beat me at chess; but it was no match for me at kick-boxing.
question of the day: what is the worst thing that could happen?

Self-limiting belief

2006-03-17T18:48:00.001+07:00

I was staying back at the office today for longer than usual just to prepare a systems diagram which I had drawn yesterday. Having contemplated for a whole day, what held me back, as shown in the diagram, were two things: emotional tension and actions to achieve. Emotional tension included confusion of aims, perfections of means, fear of failure, fear of unstable income, insecurity, and risk. As for actions to achieve, there would be followup postings.

How does one read the systems diagram? An aspiration to start up own business created an achievement gap (or creative tension) with my current reality, which in turn increased emotional tension (such as those mentioned above). Inability to deal effectively with emotional tension naturally resulted in the pressure to limit own self by either delaying or even worse, canceling the startup attempt. Such pressure was counter-productive to having a startup; it broadened the achievement gap—I was not getting any closer to a startup. This gap further prompted my own self to take actions to achieve. When executed, these action would, in time to come (read: with certain delays), improve my current reality—being stuck in a boring, monotonous, low-risk, safe, secure, [insert insecure adjectives...], and stable income job—towards becoming my own boss. As my current reality was improved, the achievement gap decreased. And the cycle repeated. These two balancing feedback loops brought about a single reinforcing feedback loop, which if not dealt with properly would result in rapid wear and tear. And guess who was stuck in it?

As noted by systems thinkers, the area of highest leverage was often the least obvious. In this case—I didn't claim I had the answer—the leverage would lie in two points: emotional tension and actions to achieve; the same two variables that held me back. So it was important to clarify (internally) what I really wanted and to manage resulting emotional tension when they arise. Remember, small changes could produce significant results, when the force was applied in the right spot.

quote of the day: learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. — W. Edward Deming
question of the day: what do I really want?

Perfection of means, confusion of aims

2006-03-16T15:58:00.000+07:00

At some point in life, one needed to quit seeking perfection of means, and to stop confusing aims. There could be more than one means to an end, so the main focus should be the aim, not the means. But wait, a means to an end could be an end by itself, couldn't it? The structure is definitely a non-linear cause-effect, or circular to be exact. Means to an end might be many, but an end in itself could be a means to a higher end. What then was the ultimate end in life? Was there an ultimate end at all?

Oh dear, it appeared that I had been dreaming my life for as long as I lived. At this rate, when would I ever get to live my dreams? In the words of Walt Disney: "Shut up and work."

quote of the day: to be or not to be; that's not really a question.
question of the day: are you confused?

Much ado about nothing

2006-03-02T11:41:00.000+07:00

Investing in domain names (read: internet real estate) and running an ISP company were two business startups that I could undertake right about now. Starting small was critical here. So the main question that remained now was not "if" but "when" I was going to walk my talk. Learn from the Next Net 25. Harvest some ideas.

Bridging gaps

2006-02-01T14:37:00.000+07:00

1440 What's missing in this world? What tasks are repeatable for you and me? Can they be automated? Can you do it faster, better, cheaper, and easier? Can you simplify life?

Example one: del.icio.us harvested digeratis' favorite links for sharing by anyone, for a fee. Typically, people searched for links to specific sites, made bookmarks of interesting sites to allow faster access tomorrow. Some links were popular, and should be shared. The searching and bookmarking was repeatable and hence should be reusable. del.icio.us was a $30 million deal from Yahoo.

Example two: digg.com did a similar approach, only its context was news. News rating could be defined by audience rather than editors. Digg landed a $2.8 million from investors recently.

Can you come up with something that is not already there? Does the second mouse always get the cheese?

Getting started

2005-12-31T08:45:00.000+07:00

The end of a beginning is near, so is the beginning of an end.

09:00 What's on my mind now? To contemplate a business venture was just the first step, what follows is: do I have the balls to execute it? Yesterday, a young 21-year-old college boy made a million dollar from pixel advertising, a dollar a pixel, within four months. He was (arguably) the best example of an accidental entrepreneur this year. Much to learn from him. Dream big, start small. Ok, time for gym. Shut up and work! Be.

quote of the day: the way to get started is to quit talking and start doing. — Walt Disney
question of the day: what is life? *chuckle*

...

2005-12-29T10:48:00.000+07:00

Do I have what it takes?

quote of the day: count not the time wasted in doing something worthwhile, but the lessons learnt. — Robert Tanaman
question of the day: are human beings creatures of feeling?

Diamonds in the rough

2005-12-28T17:24:00.000+07:00

For the past couple of days, I had been scouring the internet doing a research, in an attempt to develop a business case that highlights the values of adopting an "effective measure for systems and infrastructure management," for a major client. I stumbled upon some diamonds along the way, in a sea of (mostly garbage) information, scribbled in a secret handbook for CEO by Bill Swanson. Here are some of them that I remembered dearly (out of a dozen of the best parts):

You can't polish a sneaker—you're not doing something meaningful.
Learn to say "I don't know." If used appropriately, it will be used often—be professional.
If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
You remember 1/3 of what you read, 1/2 of what people tell you, but 100 percent of what you feel—communicate in a way that makes people feel what they need to do.
A person who is nice to you, but not to others, is not a nice person. (This rule never fails.)
When faced with decisions, look at them as if you're one level up in the organization. Your perspectives will change quickly.
When facing issues or problems that are becoming drawn out, "short them to ground."—find the quickest path from problem to solution, decide to decide.
Have fun at what you do. It will be reflected in your work. No one likes a grump except another grump!
Look for what's missing. Many know how to improve what's there; few can see what isn't there.

Now, how do I use these diamonds?

quote of the day: when you court a nice girl, an hour seems like a second; when you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. — Albert Einstein
question of the day: do you win against others, or against your previous self?

Dream on!

2005-12-23T17:24:00.000+07:00

Last week I lived a dream of having my first N21 frontline, small but most meaningful. And here's another one dream I'm going to live tomorrow: Bandung 2005. I will be joining the Susianto's in a weekend's trip to Bandung (Lembang highlands and temple's birthday). She might not be there, but I'm going to have some fun anyway. I need to step forward next week, really step forward, and put my best foot forward. Life's a dance; dance like no one is watching...

quote of the day: dream no small dreams, for they have no power to stir the souls of men. — Victor Hugo
question of the day: how does one sell an inch wide, a mile deep?

How do you express your feeling?

2005-12-19T18:29:00.000+07:00

How do I tell her? Should I be straightforward or subtle? Should I give rather than receive? Should I be reckless or careful? Should I be sincere or smart? Do I need a reason to say it?

quote of the day: there is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. — Friedrich Nietzsche
question of the day: what would you do for love?

Where does energy flow?

2005-12-16T16:12:00.001+07:00

According to Bellinger, energy follows the path of least resistance. Yet how does energy know about the path of least resistance? Via feedback from the surrounding, the path of least resistance is defined. Recall analogy of the squeezing of toothpaste into a two-end maze. In simple terms, people always, always, always do what makes the most amount of sense to them. People habituate. The patterns of behaviour repeated over time define a person's habit.

Now, how does habit relate to being a (non-)vegetarian?

And the questions don't stop there... Where do I get my answers? Where do I get my feedback? How do I learn: like a helix, a sponge, a filter, or a you-know-what?

quote of the day: energy follows the path of least resistance, feedback defines the path of least resistance.
question of the day: say, a person becomes a vegetarian; what difference does that make in the world: reinforcing or balancing?

Is meeting a waste of time?

2005-12-14T11:08:00.000+07:00

I had just experienced the longest work meeting ever in my life yesterday—straight four hours— after work, from 1700 to 2100. I'm not sure where my feedback should go, so I thought of my loyal blog who is always there to really listen without judging.

How can a group of people withstand such mind-numbing meeting for four hours? Although I cannot say that the meeting was a complete waste of time, I must admit that it could have been conducted better. In Six Sigma Team mini guide, I have learned about setting, before each meeting, an objective and an agenda, followed by listing action items, the PIC of and a deadline for each respective action item—who is assigned what task. This ensures that important discussion and decisions made in the meeting can be documented and referred to after the meeting, so that no one attendee can claim to have forgotten about what went on in the meeting, because their names are inscribed on the meeting minutes. Once the meeting is over, an email of the minutes is sent to the meeting stakeholders.

So you ask about the benefits of keeping a minutes, and whether doing so is too much hassle... Well, use your imagination. Think rational! Does the initial investment in time and energy in keeping a minutes outweigh the cost of not doing so in the future? What are the consequences of not keeping a minutes?

quote of the day: everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. — Confucius
question of the day: how much is your ultimate dream worth?

My 100 dreams

2005-12-12T13:39:00.000+07:00

I spent my weekends on identifying 100 dreams (an hour a weekend), and categorizing each in a spreadsheet. I am at 70% completion, having 30 more to identify. Unfortunately, my current active job is getting me nowhere near realizing those dreams. What can I do to realize those dreams? What price am I willing to pay to live those dreams? When do I start?

In regard to a previous question on Friday, I have consulted with a few colleagues about ways to measure sincerity, and found that being sincere means being really open, genuine, and earnest about what you say, feel, and do.

15:20 At this very moment, I was planning (hesitantly) to grab an iPod nano from Plaza Senayan after work today. Hmm, can I delay gratification? Shouldn't there be something I must do first to deserve such a (quite) hefty reward? Patience, Robert.

For three weeks in a row, there has been inactivity in my job; no action so far. I am growing tired and bored of my work. What am I doing in this place? Getting paid for doing nothing? I need to follow up with Bandi on my request for job description by the end of this week.

quote of the day: the heart has reasons that reason cannot know. — Blaise Pascal
question of the day: 1 dream 99 steps or 99 dreams 1 step?

Good day, my dearest audience!

2005-12-09T16:43:00.000+07:00

They say one's life is measured not by the years of his life but by the moments in his life. This blog represents my thoughts, interests, moments, and emotions—the stories of my life. Among other things, this blog lists the deep questions that I encounter every day, some of which I will address, others I will reflect on.

It is true when they say time is not measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years, but in snapshots of important moments in our life, for example, first love, university graduation day, and wedding day. Ask anyone about the specific date of a moment, and you will find most do not remember. But they certainly do remember the meaningful details of that particular moment.

quote of the day: every day there is a new question. — Jack Welch
question of the day: how does one measure sincerity?